I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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