i think i have herpe
just one?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
