I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
