Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
