I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
