I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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