we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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