I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
