I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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