Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
