The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
