They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
