Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
