I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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