I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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