Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
third nipple confirmed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
