nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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