I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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