Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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