one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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