at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
