i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
