So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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