she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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