the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
