she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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