I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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