Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
