New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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