Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
