she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
