Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
