I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
