sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
