just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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