Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
