Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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