I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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