im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
