Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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