I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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