spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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