Soap is not a condiment
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am available for nakedness
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
