So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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