At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
