Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
