fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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