Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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