As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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