Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
