Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
