she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Randomize
