Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
