You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
