its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
