I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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