Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
