Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
