dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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